Things You'd Never Hear an Avatar Character Say

*Human Jake talks to Trudy:

Jake: I was wondering if you can give me some personal advice, Trudy. I get the feeling that Neytiri really likes me. I think she may invite me to have...you know.. an intimate relationship with her. Do you think that would be the right thing to do?..You know.. since we are a different species?

Trudy: Don't be such a pussy, Jake. I've been banging Tsu-tey and Norm in his na'vi body for months. And I don't even have an avatar. I've also banged Quaritch, and believe me, he is even less human. In fact, I even banged Wainfleet.

Jake; You banged Wainfleet? You're kidding me?

Trudy: Of course I'm not kidding. Remember that day I introduced you to Quaritch. When I told Wainfleet we would be bouncing later, I can assure you, I wasn't talking about taking about going out on patrol in the Samson. Wainfleet certainly got some that day.

Jake: And you banged Quaritch?

Trudy: Hell yeah! And when Quaritch told you;"if you get soft, Pandora will sh*t you out dead". Who do you think he was really talking about? Ehh...? (*Points to self). How do you think he realy got these scars on his head?

Jake: Outstanding!
 
*Human Jake talks to Trudy:

Jake: I was wondering if you can give me some personal advice, Trudy. I get the feeling that Neytiri really likes me. I think she may invite me to have...you know.. an intimate relationship with her. Do you think that would be the right thing to do?..You know.. since we are a different species?

Trudy: Don't be such a pussy, Jake. I've been banging Tsu-tey and Norm in his na'vi body for months. And I don't even have an avatar. I've also banged Quaritch, and believe me, he is even less human. In fact, I even banged Wainfleet.

Jake; You banged Wainfleet? You're kidding me?

Trudy: Of course I'm not kidding. Remember that day I introduced you to Quaritch. When I told Wainfleet we would be bouncing later, I can assure you, I wasn't talking about taking about going out on patrol in the Samson. Wainfleet certainly got some that day.

Jake: And you banged Quaritch?

Trudy: Hell yeah! And when Quaritch told you;"if you get soft, Pandora will sh*t you out dead". Who do you think he was really talking about? Ehh...? (*Points to self). How do you think he realy got these scars on his head?

Jake: Outstanding!
hrh, what :P

I've always wondered about Trudy and Avatar Norm :P
 
*Quaritch is in the control centre in Hell's Gate.

Operator: Sir, there's an unauthorised engine start.

Quaritch: Whose engine is it?

Operator: Trudy Chacon's, sire.

Quaritch: She's probably just banging Norm in her Samson as usual.

Operator: Er, no sir. Norm is in the brig, remember?

Quaritch: In that case, she will be banging Jake.

Operator: Jake is in the brig too, sir.

Quaritch: In that case, she must be banging Grace.

Operator: Er, no sir. She is in the brig too.

Quaritch: Who can Trudy be banging then? It isn't my turn because I am here on duty.

Operator: Pehaps she's having a four-some with Wainfleet, Selfridge and Max again.

Quaritch: Right! Masks on! And some one get me a rifle with a sniper scope.

Operator: Are you going to shoot them, sir.

Quaritch: Of course not. I'm going to watch.
 

Advent

Mother Falcon
Donator
*Quaritch is in the control centre in Hell's Gate.

Operator: Sir, there's an unauthorised engine start.

Quaritch: Whose engine is it?

Operator: Trudy Chacon's, sire.

Quaritch: She's probably just banging Norm in her Samson as usual.

Operator: Er, no sir. Norm is in the brig, remember?

Quaritch: In that case, she will be banging Jake.

Operator: Jake is in the brig too, sir.

Quaritch: In that case, she must be banging Grace.

Operator: Er, no sir. She is in the brig too.

Quaritch: Who can Trudy be banging then? It isn't my turn because I am here on duty.

Operator: Pehaps she's having a four-some with Wainfleet, Selfridge and Max again.

Quaritch: Right! Masks on! And some one get me a rifle with a sniper scope.

Operator: Are you going to shoot them, sir.

Quaritch: Of course not. I'm going to watch.

Epicness right there. :D

*Jake and Quaritch are in Hell's Gate, discussing Jake's mission

Quaritch: Haven't got lost in the woods, have you?

Jake: Well, technically, it's far more like tropical forest. Everyone knows that.

Quaritch: (stands up) You think you're one of them!?

Grace and Norm: Oh no! He sure as hell isn't one of us!
 
Jake and Neytiri are both naked, kissing at the Tree of Voices.

Neytiri: Wait Jake. Let me slip into somthing more comfortable.

*Neytiri disapears behind a tree. Moments later she reappears dressed from head to foot in clothing so that her whole body, even her face and hair, are completely covered.

Neytiri: Right. Now we can really get down to some really dirty kinky action.
 

Pa'li Makto

Member
Donator
I don't really find that funny..But I won't go into how you picked the wrong word for that type of clothing..

Anyway:

Norm in his avatar form posing in front of a mirror: "Damn I look awesome"

Trudy waits till he disappears and draws a moustache and a hairy beard on the mirror and hides before Norm appears, screams and runs off frantically trying to find a razor.

Trudy: "This is going to ruin his whole day"
 
Lol. Although i always thought jake was the dumb one.

Thanks of the correction. Pa'li Makto. You are correct. However, I do find it funny. But then it wouldn't be the first time I have posted something that no one else finds funny.
 

Pa'li Makto

Member
Donator
...That wasn't funny :/

That was a bit harsh..Last time I checked this was "Things you'd never hear an Avatar character say" and not "Post your funniest Avatar Character scenarios."
Just because you might not find it funny..Other people might of found that funny because we all have different types of humour. Clearly we have different types of humour.

Moco: If you knew muslim women who put particular values on garments of that type I don't think you would of found it funny..
 

Advent

Mother Falcon
Donator
Thread falling, is it?
Repost of an old one:

Quaritch: You're not in Kansas anymore. You're in Woolworths, ladies and gentlemen. Respect that fact, every second of every shift. If there is a Coles, you might want to go there for some time off, after a shift in Woolworths. Out there beyond those counters, Every living customer that walks, crawls, or rolls in the aisles wants to kill you and sell your eyes for money. We have an indigenous staff called the shopkeeper. They're fond of cards that will dry your points up in one minute, and they have cash registers artificially reinforced with computers. They are very hard to scam. As head manager, it is my job to keep you employed. I will not succeed. Not for all of you. If you wish to stay employed, you have to develop a strong consumer attitude. You have to obey the rules! Woolworths rules!

For those who don't know, Woolworths and Coles are big rival supermarket chains in Australia. :P
 

Pa'li Makto

Member
Donator
Hah I remember listening to you come up with that one. :P

Jake wakes up in the middle of a desert in the middle of nowhere: Hey ahh..Did someone slip something into my drink last night?

Quaritch stands over him: Nahh we just abducted you in the middle of the night so you to enjoy the morning sunshine out here.

Jake does a double take, then relaxes: Really?

Quaritch: Well..I had to get someone to listen to my poetry..Plus if you sit through that then I suppose I'll get your new legs for you.

Jake: No way this is awesome!

Quaritch: My poem as 27 stanzas..

Jake facepalms.
 
Stephen Lang: It's not over while I can still get type cast as the leader of isolated human outposts in hostile worlds populated by large dangerous dinosaur type creatures in dystopian sci-fi TV series and movies.
 
*Jake is facing the Thanator in the forest.

Jake: What do I do now? Run? Don't run?

Grace: Run! Definately run!

Jake: Are you sure Gace? In the introductory meeting, Colonel Quaritch said and I quote; "Every living thing that crawls, flies or squats in the mud wants to kill you and eat your eyes for jujubes." However, he never said that creatures that walk or run are dangerous. And since this this thanator neither appears to crawl, fly or squat, I am going to assume it is not dangerous. Thus I shall stay right here.
 
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