Things You'd Never Hear an Avatar Character Say

[LOVEavatar]

I think everyone that moved here to ToS from AF remember this old thread.
And I was suprised that noone has yet found the curage to start it here... and come on, we all need a laugh from time to time!
I may not be the best joker ever, but I sure love this thread on AF!


So...Let's kick this thread started with my little movie parody here

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Before the Final Battle on Pandora... Jake has himself a little speech for the other clans Warriors!

Tsu'Tey: TEN HUT! EYES FORWARD!

*Jake appears.*

Jake: My name Is Jacob Sully aka Toruk Makto ... and I need me a Warriors! We're going to be heading out in the Jungle... flying on our Ikrans!
We're gonna be doing one Thaing and one Thaing Only... Killin´Sky-People!
Na'vi: YES SIR!!!

Continues...

Jake: The members of the Resources Development Administration, invaded Pandora through Murder, Stealing , Intimidation... and Terror! And that's Exactly what we're gonna do to ém!
We Will be cruel to the Sky-People! And through our cruelty they will know who own this land!
They will find the evidence of our cruelty... with the disemboweled, dismemberd and disfigured bodies of their brothers we leave behind us!
And the Sky-People will not be able to help themselfs... from the madness, the cruelty... their brothers went through in our hands... our Tails... and lets not even talk about the edges of our Tails!
Tsu'Tey: *Smirking*
Jake: The Sky-People will be sicken by us! The Sky-People will talk about us!
And The Sky-People WILL. FEAR. US! The RDA ain't got no respect for the nature! And they need to be Abducted!
Na'vi: YES SIR!
Jake: Oh... And Each and every one of the Warriors that are under Toruk Makto's command, earns me Two. HUNDRED. TAWTUTE.JUJUBES!!! ​

Inglourious
Na'vi!​

Coming soon...​

Jake: ... AND I WANT MY JUJUBES!​

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Now start posting and Have FUN! ​

 

[dollarside]

HAHA! Love this and nice sig too

 

[Human No More]

Nice

Tsu'tey: "You mated with this woman?"
Grace: "Oh s***"
Jake: "Yep. And she was amazing. Tsu'tey, you really don't know what you're missing"

Quaritch: "How does it feel to betray your own race?"
Jake: "well, it's mixed really. Neytiri is amazingly hot, I can walk again, and have you seen how epic my Toruk is? But just between you and me, I really miss beer"

 

[Sovereign]

Neytiri: I am with you now Jake. We are mated for life.
Jake: Yeah yeah baby get some!

Neytiri (referring to Seze Do not look in her eye.
Neytiri (notices Jake's eyes dropping downward from Seze's head Do not look at my t*** either!

Jake: I hope all this treehugger crap isn't on the final.
Grace: Actually, there's a comprehensive examination in which you will be expected to identify every plant and animal, what the Na'vi use them for and what significance each one has in Na'vi history.
Jake: Crap.

(Neytiri closes Jake's human eyes by kissing them)
Neytiri: *slurp* Good jujubees!

(Jake falls off the direhorse)
Neytiri: FAIL!

 

[ZenitYerkes]

Under the waterfall...

"How do I know if it has chosen me?"
"It will try to kill you"
"Wait what?!"

Jake runs away

"WAAAAAAAA!"

 

[neytirifanboy]

Neytiri (referring to Seze Do not look in her eye.
Neytiri (notices Jake's eyes dropping downward from Seze's head Do not look at my t*** either!

Jake: I hope all this treehugger crap isn't on the final.
Grace: Actually, there's a comprehensive examination in which you will be expected to identify every plant and animal, what the Na'vi use them for and what significance each one has in Na'vi history.
Jake: Crap.

(Neytiri closes Jake's human eyes by kissing them)
Neytiri: *slurp* Good jujubees!

(Jake falls off the direhorse)
Neytiri: FAIL!

Haha all those are really good. I remember seeing some of them before, but they're still funny. Here is one of my own short favourites.

*After killing Quaritch, Neytiri jumps into the shack, to see Jake choking on the ground. Neytiri sees the mask Jake is reaching for. She grabs the mask and......puts it up to her own face:
Neytiri: Wooohooo. Look at me. Hehehe. I'm a Skyperson
Jake: .....

 

[Human No More]

Neytiri (referring to Seze Do not look in her eye.
Neytiri (notices Jake's eyes dropping downward from Seze's head Do not look at my t*** either!

Tsu'tey: Don't worry Jake, we can share Neytiri, we get her on alternate days.

Quaritch: MASKS ON!
*kicks door*
*door stays shut*
Selfridge: You have to pull that lever there
*Quaritch pulls it, then kicks the door again*
*the door stays shut. Quaritch pulls it open and walks outside muttering under his breath*

Take 2:
Quaritch: MASKS ON!
*kicks door*
*door stays shut, Quaritch jumps backwards and falls over*
Quaritch: Argh, I think I broke my toes!

 

[tallbluewanderer]

Quaritch: MASKS ON!
*kicks door*
*door stays shut*
Selfridge: You have to pull that lever there
*Quaritch pulls it, then kicks the door again*
*the door stays shut. Quaritch pulls it open and walks outside muttering under his breath*

Take 2:
Quaritch: MASKS ON!
*kicks door*
*door stays shut, Quaritch jumps backwards and falls over*
Quaritch: Argh, I think I broke my toes!

Awesome! (Sounds like something I'd do...)

 

[Woodsprite]

You are not at Hometree anymore. You are on earth, Aysmukan si aytsmuke. Respect that fact, every second of every swaw. If there is a Kawng tsenge, you might wanna go there for some R&R after a tour on earth.

Out there, beyond that fence, every living thing that walks, flies, or drives on the road wants to sue you and eat your eyes for cheeseburgers. We have an advanced population of humans, called... humans. They're fond of '45s, but mostly shotguns loaded with shells that'll stop your heart in 1 micro-second. And they have bullet-proof vests made with kevlar, some with type IV armor against armor-piercing rounds... Alone, they're very easy to kill.

Still, as chief of the Omaticaya it is my job to keep you alive... I will not succeed.

Not with all of you. If you wish to survive, you've got to pray to Eywa fra trr. But you've got to obey the rules. Urban rules.

Rule #1: Keep your exo-pac with you at all times.



~Jake Sully, in an alternate universe where the Na'vi are the invaders.

 

[Txum_kali'weya]

We have an advanced population of humans, called... humans.

...................
(dies laughing)

 

[neytirifanboy]

Neytiri and Mo'at are looking on in sorrow at the desolation of their destoyed Hometree.

Moat: Well it could have been worse.
Neytiri: How?
Moat: Just thank Eywa we didn't tell them about the Unexistium.

 

[Isard]

Quarich, on the destruction of Hometree.


"What we've got here, is failure to communicate.

Some Na'Vi, you just can't reach.

So you get what we had here -- which is the way they want it.

Well, they get it.

And I don't like it anymore than you all."

 

[Sovereign]

Quaritch (after the destruction of Hometree Oops, I think the one we wanted was 200km to the west...

 

[neytirifanboy]

Quaritch (after the destruction of Hometree Oops, I think the one we wanted was 200km to the west...

Here's another take on this.

The missiles fly into Hometree exploding in a ball of fire. Eventually the great Hometree falls and........lands on Hell's Gate crushing everything in the compound.

Quaritch: Oops. Looks like I severly overestimated the distance from the base and severly underestimated the size of the tree.

Pilot: Does that mean we wont be home for lunch then?

 

[Human No More]

Here's another take on this.

The missiles fly into Hometree exploding in a ball of fire. Eventually the great Hometree falls and........lands on Hell's Gate crushing everything in the compound.
Quaritch: Oops. Looks like I severly overestimated the distance from the base and severly underestimated the size of the tree.
Pilot: Does that mean we wont be home for lunch then?

Brilliant

 

[LOVEavatar]

As the Na'vi are escaping the falling Hometree... it suddenly change direction and falls on the RDA forces, crushing them!
The Na'vi stares with open mouths!
Neytiri: "Jake... is that what you humans call Irony?"
Jake: "...That is the mother of all Irony!"

 

[neytirifanboy]

Here's the last one I posted on AF.

Neytiri: Oh, no I've lost my home. Someone blew up the last one.
Quaritch: Yes, we're not in Kansas any more ladies and Gentlemen. We're on Pandora. And I am looking for my heart. Will you help me find it?
Neytiri: Yes, if we find the wizardess of Ewya, she will show you where your heart is.
Norm: I would like some courage. Will Ewya help me?
Neytiri: Of, course. After meeting the Wizardess, you will be doing suicidal cavalry charges against well-trained professional soldiers with high calibre automatic weapons in no time.
Grace: And will she help me get some samples?
Selfride: And will she help me get some unobtanium?
Wainfleet: And will she help me get some? Yeah!
Neytiri: The Wizardess will help us all.
Jake: And I have lost my brain. Will Ewya help me get a brain?
Neytiri: Mmm. In your case , that's asking quite a lot. But I'm sure Eywa will do her best.
Quaritch: Don't worry son. We will find Ewya together and help you get your brain back. Your real brain that is.
Neytiri: why are you here Trudy?
Trudy: No reason really. I'm just along for the ride. Oh, and I fancy Norm because I think he looks really hot.
Neytiri: Ah, now I understand. You need eyes because obviously you can't see. That's why you always wear those sunglasses, isn't it.
Trudy: Yeah, aint that a bitch.
Neytiri: I'm sure the Wizardess will help you. She will help us all. All we need to do is follow the yellow branch road through the forest of Pandora.
Quaritch: Well, then. Let's boogie!
Everyone links arms and start to skip along a a very wide yellow branch.

Everyone (singing We're off to see the Wizardess, the wonderful Wizardess of Ewya...

 

[aoitennyo]

You are not at Hometree anymore. You are on earth, Aysmukan si aytsmuke. Respect that fact, every second of every swaw. If there is a Kawng tsenge, you might wanna go there for some R&R after a tour on earth.

Out there, beyond that fence, every living thing that walks, flies, or drives on the road wants to sue you and eat your eyes for cheeseburgers. We have an advanced population of humans, called... humans. They're fond of '45s, but mostly shotguns loaded with shells that'll stop your heart in 1 micro-second. And they have bullet-proof vests made with kevlar, some with type IV armor against armor-piercing rounds... Alone, they're very easy to kill.

Still, as chief of the Omaticaya it is my job to keep you alive... I will not succeed.

Not with all of you. If you wish to survive, you've got to pray to Eywa fra trr. But you've got to obey the rules. Urban rules.

Rule #1: Keep your exo-pac with you at all times.



~Jake Sully, in an alternate universe where the Na'vi are the invaders.

LOL! I love this, very clever

 

[Boomachucka]

Grace: And will she help me get some samples?
Selfride: And will she help me get some unobtanium?
Wainfleet: And will she help me get some? Yeah!

Hahah, that made me smile

 

[neytirifanboy]

Here's another from AF

*Jake and Quaritch are facing up to each other in the final battle.
Jake: It's over, Quaritch.
Quaritch: It ain't over while I'm still breathin'
Jake: I was hoping you'd say that.
*Jake is surprised to see Quaritch put on his mask, power-down his amp-suit and jump to the ground wielding a dagger.
Quaritch: What's it like to betray your own race, Sully?
*Jake grabs Quaritch's left arm and rips it off at the socket. Quaritch looks calmly at the stump.
Quaritch: Got lost in the woods? That's only a flesh wound. It ain't over while I still have my coffee arm.
*Jake calmy rips off the other arm.
Jake: Come on Quaritch, it's all over. You've no arms.
Quaritch: Shut your pie whole! It ain't over while I'm still standin'. I'll snap your neck with my legs.
*Quaritch starts to jump and dance around Jake like an armless boxer. Jake rips off Quaritch's left leg. Quaritch is hopping about on his one leg.
Jake: Come one Quaritch. You can't win now. You've only got one leg.
Quaritch: This low gravity has made you soft, Scully. It ain't over while I'm still hoppin'. I'm going to kick you to death.
*Jake rips off Quaritch's other leg. Quaritch's torso wrythes about on the ground. Quaritch looks up and screams at Jake.
Quaritch: I'm starting to think you've lost your resolve. I've got you where I want you now, Scully. You're at my mercy now?
*Jake shakes his head and walks away to help Neytiri from under the Thanator. Quaritch tries to wriggle after him screaming and snapping his teeth.
Quaritch. Come back here you traitorous cowardly b@stard! Com'on. I'll bite you to death. I'll eat your eyes for jujubees. It ain't over while I'm still got teeth.